The Hardest Week…With the Best Ending
I’m not gonna lie this is HARD. Seeing your only child recover and heal from a MAJOR surgery is hard. Doing it with a pulled muscle in your back is even harder.
I don’t think Jeremy or I realized just how hard this recovery was going to be. The anticipation was that she was going to have the surgery and be walking and able to get herself to the restroom within a week. That did NOT happen. We are 3 weeks out from surgery and she still cannot stand on her own. She is basically bed-ridden and needs at least one (preferably two) adults with her at all times. She is most comfortable in her hospital bed slightly reclined with her legs stretched in front of her. She can get herself to the side of the bed (with assistance) but it’s a TASK. Standing is a whole other story.
As a mom you take care of your babies. Knowing that I cannot care for my only baby alone is a devastating realization. It takes two adults to care for Hutton right now and on Monday she starts chemo again. With Jeremy at his new job Hutton and I have been doing chemo and the hospital with just us. We have been able to do it and we have been crushing it (with the amazing help of her nurses). But going into this next round of chemo the logistics are different. While we are in the hospital we’re good. The nurses and I got it, we can handle it but coming home is a whole different story. Typically we finish chemo late (like 1am late) and we leave right after because of traffic. The nurses know this and are totally supportive and know that we would rather leave at 1am than stay and leave in the morning and hit traffic. The reality now is that I can’t get Hutton into the car by myself. So Jeremy will be driving up to help get her in the car, and then right back home, only to have to go to work in a few hours. I’m sure there are people at the hospital that could help, but they way Jeremy figured works best getting her in and out of the car, she needs both someone strong to pick her up a certain way and someone she trusts.
Accepting that I cannot care for my child by myself is a whole other level of HARD. I am her mom, I can do anything but lifting her into the car without hurting her…that I cannot do and that is a hard pill to swallow. Jeremy is the strength, he can lift her into the car and get her settled.
This is going to be a very long road to recovery where both ourselves and Hutton we will be facing new challenges. We continue to ask for your support and prayers for strength and endurance for us and for Hutton prayers for strength, peace, and understanding. She is having a hard time accepting as she put it the “loss of independence” and that she needs help to do just about anything. And she is starting to ask why. “Why do WE have to go through this?”. “Why is God doing this to US, WE didn’t do anything wrong?” We answer the best we can, but how can you explain to your 9 year old a concept you are struggling to understand yourself?? But we do recognize that she always says “we” and “us”and never “I”, she has never thought of it as just her going through this and that is a blessing of sorts. She knows we are going through it together and that she is not alone.
But even with all this going on, Hutton knew that she had been chosen to be the Honorary Kid Captain for the UCLA Gymnastics meet on Sunday March 10. The entire week leading up to Sunday we did not think she was going to be able to attend.…or want to attend. But later in the week when she told us she really wanted to go, we did everything we could to make it a possibility, even if it meant she could only be there for a few hours.
Well, it was an absolute dream come true for Hutton!! She got to meet the UCLA Gymnasts, including her favorite Jordan Chiles. She also got to watch their practice before the meet from the floor and pass out her Hutton Strong bracelets and stickers to the team. Even better, she was able to invite some of her besties, teammates and coaches to join her!! It was an amazing time, and something positive she desperately needed. Even one of her doctors showed up to see her to say hello.
This one night was a good reminder that even amongst a sea of bad…good will find a way to always shine through.
